Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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