totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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