i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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