my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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