i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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