I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
