Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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