also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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