Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
