I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
