The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
