just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
