i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
