he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
