Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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