she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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