the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
