Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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