Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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