It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
