This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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