My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
