I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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