i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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