Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
