i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
