He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
