Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
