I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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