Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
