I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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