You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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