you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
