either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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