went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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