U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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