just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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