just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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