Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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