I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize