Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
