paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
