I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
