im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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