at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
