I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
