sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
