she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You're like the curious george of whores
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
