The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
