she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
