I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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