I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
