Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
