The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
