Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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