Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want her autograph on my taint
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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