I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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