he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
