he shaved USA in his pubs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
