Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize