I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
