Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
