Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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