Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Randomize
