nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize