Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
