when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
