It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
