Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
