Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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