I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
