Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
