He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it's great music for shaving your balls
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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