What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
