thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
