you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
