Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
