Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
