I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I believe in your delicious
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dicks are not precious.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
