Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you win again, gameday.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize