I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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