omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
