I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize